lets-dance-pano

So, 2016 huh? I hope you all feel accomplished in some way. This year has been high stress and high emotion for a lot of reasons. We had another baby, obviously. And the election. That whole thing. And we lost a lot of talent this year, didn’t we? Bowie. Prince. Cohen. George Michael and now Carrie Fisher. I heard some guy started a GoFundMe campaign to save Betty White from 2016.

I was reading this article about Carrie Fisher’s most famous feminist quotes. When a father flipped out about that action figure of her wearing the slave outfit and said, ‘What am I going to tell my kid about why she’s in that outfit?’ Carrie Fisher said, “Tell them that a giant slug captured me and forced me to wear that stupid outfit, and then I killed him because I didn’t like it. And then I took it off. Backstage.” YES!!! God yes!! So of course, I’m reading all this stuff about how great Carrie Fisher was and I feel like I’m twenty years late to the party. She was very cool – as you probably all know.

It’s not unusual for me to develop a crush on someone after they’ve passed away. I guess the best things get said about people once they die. When Kurt Cobain died, my entire group of friends were grief stricken for, like, a whole week. I had no idea we loved Nirvana so much until Kurt’s apparent suicide. I quickly joined the mourners and paid my respects by writing “KIRK COBAIN” on my pencil case. Obviously I wasn’t the only 16 year old with a new found appreciation for Seattle grunge that year, but I’m pretty sure I was the only one who thought his name was Kirk.

It was different with David Bowie. I didn’t have to pretend with him. My 8 year old BFF Jenny and I used to giggle outside my brother’s locked bedroom door when he blared “Let’s Dance” to an audience of one. And when I finally grew into good music and stopped listening to Top 40 Hits on Today FM, David Bowie was a constant. And Prince was always there too of course. I love everything he’s made, except I can’t listen to Purple Rain without thinking about ‘Pietro’ the fisherman I awkwardly slow danced with somewhere on the Dalmatian coast one night after drinking too much grappa.

2016 wasn’t the most exhausting year or the most rewarding. It wasn’t the most emotionally draining or spiritually fulfilling. I feel like it was a kind of “preparatory” year. We finished having babies. We got through the last of the late night feedings and we’re getting more sleep. But now that the haze of the baby months has lifted, I’m hyper conscious of the fact that we’re completely ‘in it’ now. We have three little boys. It’s crazy town for a good five years until Jules is Finn’s age. But it will come and go before we know it and I have to remember that. I won’t always feel grateful – this shiz ain’t easy. But as often as I can, I have to remind myself that these are the years we’ll miss the most.

I don’t know what 2017 is going to be about for us. Every year since 2004 has brought some massive change in my life. My being with Robbie since 2008 has meant that he’s come along with me for the ride, for better or worse. The only thing that has been a constant is constant change. I’m ready for routine. I’m ready to see something through. At least for a few years. Maybe it’s this house and our community. Maybe it’s a new career. Maybe it’s just embracing being a stay at home mama and really appreciating what that means. Maybe it’s studying Buddhism and finding my path. Maybe it’s yoga. Probably not. But maybe.

 

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